spent the last 30 min talking with one of my students. one thing i will miss is being able to help kids who are disadvantaged but are trying to succeed. i mean, that's why i got into teaching in the first place. i've gotten so bitter...i hate myself for feeling the way i do, but i'm just so sick of their disrespectful attitudes. kids. aiyaa...i wish i could be a better teacher right now. even though things have gotten a lot better since i first started, it's still not bearable. i dont' know what i can do. it's like everything i say just goes in one ear and out the other. can there really be no one in my classes who cares about biology? about school? or am I sucking that away? am I stiffling their education? maybe it's ME. i don't know, but that's how i feel sometimes when i have to discipline and reprimand every few minutes.
oh, btw, i finally went to see elaine perform last night. took tak with me too. she's AWESOME! there was a video on asian americans and stuff and i had to explain to tak (who's from japan) some things about our country. diversity, segregation, discrimination. we got it all. how at one time we value different opinions, but then we call people who disagree with the government UN-american? wtf is that? bastard rich people don't have enough money and power so they gotta get more. i mean, i dont' think hussein's a good guy, but fuck, can't we just snipe his ass instead of pretending to use him as a reason to get rid his government so we can get more oil? but i digress....
if you haven't seen michael moore's "bowling for columbine" go check it out. it's good shit.
life is hell. at least mine is. but i did have a good day yesterday, it's just hard to think about all that when i got this big swollen feeling on my left eye. yup. i got clocked. stupid me. i stopped a fight right outside my room. three mexican dudes were jumping this huge black guy. i didn't have enough sense to take one of the mexican dudes down and the black guy. i ended up peeling them off one by one, and then ended up running away. but then when i was down to two guys left, the big black dude and one mexican. but then the black guy, who can' tpunch worth shit, shot out a hook towards the mexican guy, but i guess my face got in the way.
so i'm here now. i have to wait for my kids to finish taking the make up test. for the makeup, i require them to have a notecard. one, so they can use it. two, so they can study while they make it. and three, most importantly, so i can see that they actually spent at least a minute preparing or studying for this test. 5 out of the 10 kids who showed up to take the test had a notecard. this, after me telling them everyday and having it written at the front of the class that they could not take the test without a notecard. and of course, this is only 10 out of the 30 kids who were supposed to take the makeup test because they were absent the first time i gave the class. i only have 130 kids right now. that's like almost 25%!
so maybe you can guess how i feel right now. maybe not. but this ghetto environment is wearing on me. my colleague (crazy lady) had to take 3 days off this week cuz she couldn't deal with the environment that we have up here. even after i took a nice day off yesterday, i come back and BAMN!, i'm back in shitville and the kids are even stupider and lazier and rowdier (is that spelled right?)...arghh....
i can't even look forward to my ski trip now either! i dont' know if my legs will heal enough. a lot of people either flaking or undecided if they're gonna drive, and no internet at home to set things up!
sigh...it's times like these i should just think of the good things to be thankful for. but then bitching wouldn't be as fun. so the more bitching i get down here, the less you'll have to hear from me in person! =)
Monday, March 24, 2003
man..what a weekend. to top it off, i somehow got sick sunday morning, and now my heads making circles and i can't concentrate. i still had to go to work though because i had no emergency lesson plan lined up for my kids. i'd like to take tuesday off, but i'll have to pass on that b/c i'll be taking wednedsay off to show my friend tak around. he's coming in from japan! i have no idea what to ask him for though, the only thing i could think of was those special eye drops that burned your eyes when you put them on. he couldn't fit a japanese girl in his suitcase, so i guess the eyedrops will suffice. it'll be nice to take a day off in the middle of the week though, even though i'll have to cram all my other work into today and tomorrow.
so hopefully, if my internet at home is working, i'll be able to send out emails about my ski trip and stuff. since i can't move much i should get some work done. no martial arts this week at all, and definately no more gardening. i got a gardener from Merritt college, and he's pretty good. helping me get rid of these huge vines that have grown all over my fence and even along my house. i never new that they could grow so much so fast in one season. i'm thinking of making a bamboo fence along my neighbor's property. he's also giving me some good suggestions on what i could do with that strip of land along the side of my house (can't make a driveway because of the stupid firehydrant). if any of you have any good ideas for what kind of garden, let me know!
