Life is back to mundane, for better or worse. i've managed to stay drama free (options A and B have both been dropped due to lack of effort on my part). i'm trying my damndest to work out. it would be nice to just maintain a nice body for just ONE week. crazy how hard it is to get there though. i think a lot of it has to do with genetics. it's a stupid goal, but to just get a six pack and to show my inguinals..i think it'd be cool
work sucks like hell..i fantasize about selling the company off and just doing my own thing, supporting myself...but then i know i'd have to give up a lot of the extras in life that i take for granted, such as my martial arts =(
i'll start blogging here when i really need to rant... good thing hardly anyone knows about this site. and for those of you freaks who are actually reading this site, i pity you in your boredom! besides, i think only a few of my closest friends actually knew about this..so i dont' mind if you know how i truly feel
anyways, it's like how when i taught, everything was so negative. life was negative. ask me how i was and i'd say "feel like crap" or at best "i'm tired..." well..this post is all negative, so be warned and view me as you wish.
this is one of those moments, when i've worked my ass off my dad, but he's still got a problem with something cuz he's not listening to my q's and i can't exactly do everything he wishes and so he gets more mad. then he confronts me and we start "discussing loudly" and then my fucking mom always tries to come in and she's always makes things worse. even when she KNOWS what we're talking about, she doesn't normally listen to what others have to say. but in this case, she didnt' even know what we were arguing about, and she tries to butt in and tell us what to do. i really wanted to fucking slap her and tell her to shut the fuck up and listen for one goddamn time. and my dad...)must be from living with my mom for so many years) where he just needs to keep saying something to make sure he's heard. problem is, i hear and listen, even while talking. they don't. my aunt is here, and she's trying to help me cuz she has that amazing ability to understand the changes in air pressure that my vocal cords are making...but ugh...fucking idiotic parents.
what makes things exponentially worse..my dad has misunderstandings over the simplest things. today, among the numerous things he misunderstood in ONE conversation:
1) the items we were talking about (brass stair case rails, and not the brass street monuments)
2) the date that we needed the above said items (not what kind of shipping we need)
3) written check as method of payment
it's like trying to ask someone "what time can you pick me up?" and having him answer "why did you get me pepporini when i asked for sausage?"
yes, our arguments make that much sense...
anyways, what i originally wanted to write about was about my ease of writing off my family. i know that you can't choose your family. you can only accept them for who they are. no matter what, they're your family. but who says i have to have them in my life?
i think it's easy for certain people to just say that, that you cant' choose who they are, so you have to just accept them. i say fuck that. most people that can accept their families have relatively decent family members. i would say my family is "bearable" in small doses. but is it wrong for me to wish more? some people are appalled when i say i have one "bitchy" sister, and another "bitchier" sister. then they find out i'm totally serious. (of course, it makes sense to them once they actually MEET them and my sisters reveal their true evilness)
same with my mom. i think all of my previous gf's could tell pretty early that i didn't want them to meet my mom. i wouldn't describe my mom as evil (yes, just my sisters) but she's FUCKING CRAZY. and doesn't listen, almost to the point where she purposely ignores what you say. in her mind, it's easier to deal with people if you can argue with them in your own head. so why listen to what they have to say when you can just imagine what they have to say? ugh....
so my solution for my sisters is just to keep them out of my life. don't interact with them.
sad huh? it's like not having sisters...they're so irrational and bitchy. am i just too picky with people? maybe. i do expect more out of myself, and out of my friends and families. with friends, it's so much easier to get them out of your life. but with family? how the hell could i actually share so many of genes with such total morons!?!?!?
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
wow...it's been a while...thought i'd write here where no one ever goes anymore
but maybe someday i'll be able to look back at this and think about how young and naive and stupid i once was....hopefully at least...
things i would say to my closest friends but feel to weird about:
EC: i never say it, but i'm extremely happy for you. to me you represent all those who work hard without complaint. and soon you'll be able to enjoy the fruits of your labor. my only wish is a selfish one in that i hope your new life won't take you too far away so i can see you enjoy everything you will have.
MT: another friend that has moved away. i know you'd disagree with my feelings, but i've always seen you as a little brother. and although i know it's been hard for you to leave almost everythign you know, i've been secretly glad that you made that decision. although what you're going thru is hard, know that when you finish and come out, you'll be able to tackle anything that gets in your way.
CC: you've been one of my longest and best friends, and when I've needed to talk to someone, you've been there. You've been the sane, dependable companion that my at-times-turbulent life needed.
HW: sometimes i feel we share that same pessimistic/romaticized/jaded view of life. you have the balls and the fortitude to support yourself as well as the ones who depend on you that i highly admire.
Friday, July 02, 2004
so much change in my life
but the one constant: it always sucks
ok, not quite. but that's the kind of mood i'm in.
for the few folks who read this, i'm on xanga now
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=kendo888
Thursday, May 20, 2004
188! WOOHOOO! I had to post about this. i'm finally getting OK at bowling. i think i can get a mark about 7to 8 frames a game. only the damned splits i can't get. next goal: 1 game with over 200, and average 165.
so i went to concord and bowled yesterday. so weird. after going to albany so much, i've forgotten how much of a white trash sport bowling is. so awesome. i gotta get my own bowling ball someday.
anyways....my life is in some transitional phase now. i'm gonna start working for my parents soon. maybe after a week off. well..a week off of having to wake up at 6 to go to work. i'll still have to grade my papers and stuff. but no more stress. maybe i'll start regrowing some of that hair i've been losing. ha..yeah, and i'll grow an inch or two. oh well...
summer plans:
rides with the motorcycle
rockclimbing twice a week
swimming twice a week
wushu on fridays
unsuck at badminton
work at bikeshop (hopefully)
work parttime for parents
oh...and train for blackbelt
hmmm...i dunno if i can fit all that in. it'll be like going back to my college days when i had to juggle all my random crap. fun stuff...
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
wow..this is like my 100th post. i'm a freak.
my friend sent me this:
http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/Southwest/05/18/texas.chemical.ap/index.html
hilarious. reminds me so much of my kids.
my feelings are so mixed right now. at work..my kids keep asking me about next year. it's so sad. i want to stay for them. all the fuckers. damnit. i'm really gonna miss some of them. especially the sophmores. they actually learned from me! and now i won't be able to see them next year. i won't be able to see my freshmen grow or my juniors become lazier seniors. it's so sad. the stupid school finally talked to me today. so maybe there's a chance that i can come back and work part time, maybe teach one block a day if i'mm up to it. but i'm gonna go help my parents now. learn the trade ya know? get some money again. i've been so broke lately it's sad.
paul is coming over saturday to roast an entire pig. should be sweet.
IM conversation between me and minhhuyen
K:pigroast
M:real live pig that you'll kill?
K:yeah
M:no way
oh no
K:haha, why not?
M:poooor piggggyyy
M:why must men be so barbaric!
K: umm...it's food
M: um you can go to the store,you dont have to get a pig and kill it yourself cos you live in the jungle
K:haha
M:lol
K:where other people have ruthlessly slaughtered the animal?
oh, it's prekilled
M:oh
hahaha
K:we got it from a wholesaler
M:dumb
i thought you were going to kill it yourself
lol
what a wierdo
M:haha
yeah, i was gona wrestle it
M:i know
K:and beat it up
haha
pinatta
hahha
M:what?lol
K:candy is goign to dribble out of its butt
M:oooh...nice
K:i'd like it off
hahah
ew
M:not only are you barbaric, yr dyslexic too!
HAHA
poopity shmoopity
that's pretty much me. at work. chilling. i've been so lazy since i found out that i'm not coming back. it's sad. i have mounds of papers to grade. oh well.
Friday, May 07, 2004
so bored and so tired..sigh..work. i'm gonna miss this gig though. i'mm subbing for a class right now, so that's another 25 bucks for just sitting on my ass. i'd almost rather be taking a nap though. it's my prep and i've worked for 6 straigt hours. yeah , i know, doesn't seem that long, but hell, teaching is tiring. especially when i have to lecture. right now most of the kids are just sitting around and talking. there's supposedly an assignment, but they don't give a shit about it. it's funny, you can sometimes tell how good a teacher is by how the kids act when the teacher is out. a good teacher maintains a good class, and the kids get used to that dynamic, so even when the teacher is out, the kids stay relatively good. my feeling about this class, the teacher has horrible class managment. doesn't help that their assignment is some openended bs assignment. i hate that as a sub. oh well...at least i know a 3rd of these kids, so the'll at least respect me.
waited in line for over an hour yesterda hoping to watch troy, but plans fell thru. ended up just renting videos at hollywood. gothica is a pretty damn good movie, and i HATE scary movies. but it doesn't rely on stupid ppl to move the plot a long, whichi think every bad writer resorts to.
so i'm going crabbing tomorrow, and then maybe karaoking at night. i havne't done that in so long. pity those who will be in my singing presence. but it's about time i get piss drunk and just let it all out. haha...backstreet boys watch out!
