anyways...i thought this quote was perfect for me back in janurary: "I'm a lot happier now....that i've given up hope"
lowered expectations = easier to be happy? kind of like a certain someone i know...
so mike says during dinner that i've changed a lot in the sense of my hopes and dreams for my kids. kind of true. i guess seeing all the lazy fuckers at my school kind of makes me lose hope for a lot of humanity. but one thing i don't mention enough are the people that are doing well. and the ones i do get along with. i wish i could take them with me to whatever school i'll be teaching at next year. i even told one girl that i might go teach at an all boys school next year and i told her that she should apply and sue the school for sexism so that it'd become a coed school. she didn't buy though.... but at least there are some that i can joke around with, or else i'd go crazy
but of course, it's no fun writing about all the good stories. during my 4th period today there was this group of kids that just opened my door in the middle of class again. they walk in a little bit, make some stupid faces or give props to someone, and then they usually leave. i wasn't too bothered today except for two reasons: 1) i recognized one of the kids from my 3rd period cuz he did the exact same shit just 50 minutes ago and 2) the fucker started dribbling his little mini bball in my room.
so i called over and said "hey BOY, why don't you come back so i can school you"....i wanted to say a lot more worse things, but i don't wanna curse in front of my kids. but i swear, i'm gonna snap one of these days, especially since i know i won't be coming back next year. i have no more reason to hold it back. i can just wring his little neck and rip his fucking nuts off. but that'd be too quick....
when i think of it, it's kind of scary...the horribly traumitizing and emotionally scarring things i WANT to do to some of those punks. and the more i want to do, the more stressed i get holding it all in. it's like the HULK. only i don't turn big and green. my head just turns purple.
Sunday, May 11, 2003
i now have a combined total of 40 min on my bike! and i've dropped it twice =(
i rode around last night and i was hoping to go and visit hank, but i couldn't get myself out into the big streets. the engine kept dying on me (i guess it still needed time to warm up and stuff). So in one of my many u-turns, the engine died one time, and as i was trying to straighten out the bike, it started leaning over a little to my right. and since i didn't have boots on (i was wearing running shoes) and i was on an incline, i didn't have enough leg reach to stop the bike. so it slowly started leaning more and more to my right until finally i had to hop off. what's worse is that this time i didn't have percy's help to lift the bike up. it's over 430 pounds! i barely got it off the floor..luckily it was dark and no one was out.
maybe i'll have better luck next time. driving around point reyes will have to wait i guess.
i went and practiced some wushu today. well, pretty much just aerials and butterflies. tweaked my ankle again too. hopefully i'll be able to come back to wushu in the summer.
new tentative plan for summer if i get the private school gig in next fall: mcat course in morning, hankido pe class 10-2, study mcat stuff 3-7, wushu 7-10. so that means mcats aug. 16th! i figure this might be my best chance to take it. either that or wait a whole 'nother year and take it next summer....
