man...life is odd.... in my biology classes, i have one that's like pulling teeth. i almost hate it. the kids are lazy, they don't work, they don't care about school...
and in my other, they pick me up, no matter how bad of a day i've had or how tired i am. maybe it's a positive feedback loop. by the time i see them, i might be dead tired..but we always start and end well. and i always end by saying "thanks guy, as usual you've been awesome. remember to email me or check with me if you have questions on the hw. see you all tomorrow and have fun"...

one of the things that's been on my mind lately (well, of course, besides the MAIN thing that's been on mind) is the issue of friends. one of my friends just got out of a relationship. in my opinion, it wasn't really a healthy one cuz he never really did anything else. never called his other friends (or at least it seemed like that). he was content with life the way it is. kinda let other things slide. and another friend took it really personally. i can't say that i didnt' either, but when it comes down to it, i feel that he did what he thought would make him happy, and i cant blame him for that cuz he generally was happy, which is something i dont' think i've ever experienced. but anyways, i think another of my friends is being a little harsh in terms of telling friend #1 "you've been a shitty friend, but i'm' here to help you"

i dunno..maybe tough love works for some people. it worked for me. the friend that i think is being harsh did the same thing to me a year ago. jolted me. i hated his ass for a bit. i mean, he didnt' understand what i went thru. it seemed like he didn't care. but you know what? he was honest with me, and he let me know how he felt. and above all things in life, that's the most important. and as my friend ellen can attest, just lay it all on the line and just tell me what kind of stupid things i'm doing, cuz i'll try to change. in some ways, it's kind of funny. she's like one of my best friends because she's always pointing out my stupidities.
the one thing in life that i really like about myself is that now i can reap the rewards of always working on character. oh, don't get me wrong, i might still be a horrible, lazy prick, but hey, i'm much better than i was a few years ago, quaff?

so i digress..i was gonna write about one of the perspectives i've had on life and treating others. i want to try to be a positive influence on people. i used to look down on those who always tried to appeal to others, to just say things to make others feel better about themselves. i was like "dude, just keep it real, so saywhatever the fuck is on your mind cuz that's how you really feel" well...that also carried over to expressing whatever feelings i've had. it was ok at first, until i started teaching. cuz then i was ALWAYS tired, and ALWAYS depressed. who the fuck would want to be around me then? i never really thought of it in that way. i mean, i'm still amazed at how many of my friends are STILL my friends considering. props to cassandra especially (who doesn't even read this) cuz for some reason i always bitch about things to her. but anyways, i've learned to be more positive, and the effects that has on people. so i'm TRYING to be more positive. and i think it's also making me feel more positive more often.

now, i can't say for sure, maybe it's just cuz of what's been happening in life lately. i have a lot of reasons (ok, one BIG reason) to smile. and well...to bring it back to teaching...the more positive i can be with others, the more positive they'll be with me. just wanted to share my thoughts