sigh...i swear...that's my word. i thinki need to slap myself everytime i sigh. i've been sighing a lot more lately. can't really help it. i feel so helpless in regards to everything. all i can do is barely keep up with everything else in my own life. i have to call a gardener to take care of the jungle in my backyard before my neighbors sue. gotta go take my clothes to get drycleaned. go to work too to take care of all the shit i've been putting off. i used to be able to go to work to escape from my problems. but now, my problem is just too big to escape from.

i just wish i knew what i could do. i want something i just can't have. i wish i could accept it, but i can't. so now i'm just left thinking about it, with everything i do reminding me of it. not a good way to live life. not even my motorcycle can help me with this one....